Diana's Writing Blog

Melissa rushed into the bathroom wearing nothing but a bathrobe. Mr. Sniffles sat up from the bed of toilet paper he’d made in the sink and stretched luxuriously. “Mr. Sniffles!” Melissa exclaimed. “Out! I’m late.” She picked up the cat and deposited him outside. Shutting the door firmly, Melissa quickly emptied the sink of toilet paper.

She shucked her bathrobe, pulled back the shower curtain, and…stopped short of getting in as she caught sight of the water threatening to overflow the tub at any moment. “What the…” She tried the drain, but no matter which way she flicked the little lever, nothing happened. “Cody!” she bellowed.

“The shower’s broken,” Cody called back from the next room.

“And it just happens to coincide with the shower you just took?!” Melissa exclaimed.

“Sor-ry,” Cody called in.

“Cody!” Melissa struggled back into her bathrobe and stormed out.

She returned a few moments later with Cody and Doug in tow. “…I don’t know,” Cody was saying, “it just stopped draining.”

Melissa looked to Doug.

“What? I’m not a plumber!” he exclaimed.

“You are now,” Melissa replied. “I’ll get your tools.” She hurried away.

Doug turned to Cody. “Don’t you guys have a super?”

“We have a super nice oven repair man,” Cody offered. “How’s that?” She slapped his butt. Doug straightened and stared after her as she left. He shook himself out of his shock and turned to the work at hand, rolling up his sleeves and kneeling at the tub.

Melissa dragged his toolbox in and set it beside him.

“I don’t know how useful this stuff will be,” Doug said, rifling through the tools that were meant for appliance repair. At Melissa’s look of despair he added, “But if it’s just a clog, I might be able to fix it.”

“Thank you!” Melissa threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. She scrambled up. “And hurry. I’m late as it is.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Doug muttered as she hurried out. He pulled out a screwdriver and began to work the drain cover up.

A small furry black, white, and orange creature crept in and leapt up onto the sink. Mr. Sniffles mewed at Doug questioningly from his new perch on top of the faucet.

Doug glanced back at the cat and grinned. “You know,” he remarked, pulling the drain cover free, “it seems like every time I come here I end up fixing something.” He batted away a rubber duck that floated toward him and aimed a flashlight down the drain.

Doug gave a low whistle and stood. “That’ll take a special tool. Behave yourself,” he warned Mr. Sniffles before leaving the bathroom.

Mr. Sniffles jumped down from the sink and walked over to the bathtub, peering up inquisitively. After a moment’s debate, he leapt up onto the toolbox and, from there, Mr. Sniffles did a belly flop into the bathtub. He paddled happily through the soapy warm water, sights fixed on the rubber ducky floating unsuspectingly a few inches away.

Cody bustled in and began to rifle through the drawers, muttering in annoyance. Finally, she sighed and straightened. “Melissa!” she bellowed. “Did you clean in here again?”

Melissa stuck her head in, a hairbrush stuck in her frizzy, snarled hair. “Yes, I did, because you can’t seem to remember that the hair accessories go in this drawer, the styling products go in this drawer, hygiene products go—”

“Makeup!” Cody interrupted. “Draw me a map later. Other people in this house are late, too.”

Melissa pulled open the cupboard next to the toilet. “Right there. Top shelf so Mr. Sniffles can’t get into it again. Where is he, anyway?”

Cody pulled down various makeup products. “I don’t know,” she said, distractedly. “Can I borrow your eyeliner?”

“Fine,” Melissa said, pulling down a large purple box. “All of my makeup is in here. Make sure you put whatever you borrow back exactly where you found it.”

Cody took the case from Melissa and saluted. “Yes, sir!”

“And don’t make a mess. I don’t have time to clean it. I’m supposed to be at work in about twenty minutes.”

Cody shook her head. “You’ll never make it. Just call in sick.”

“I’m not sick!” Melissa replied.

“You don’t call in sick when you are, you might as well use a sick day for once.”

“Not today,” Melissa said. “My department has a huge presentation due tomorrow.”

“So?” Cody said. “You’re the manager. Let the ten people under you handle it.”

Melissa scowled. “If I don’t do it, it won’t be right.” She turned her attention back to her frazzled hair as she walked out.

Cody shook her head and riffled through Melissa’s box of makeup as Doug returned.

“Would you mind sacrificing one of your wire hangers?” he asked Cody, holding up an old and slightly bent hanger.

Cody looked at him in horror. “That’s my lucky hanger! I’ve had that since college.”

Doug offered it to her quickly. “Sorry.”

Cody laughed. “I’m just messing with you,” she said. “Go for it. I’ll just steal some from Melissa.”

“I’d take one of hers myself,” Doug replied, “but you know how particular she is.”

Cody nodded. “That’s why I’ll wait till she’s at work. What do you need a hanger for, anyway?”

“I’m hoping to refashion it into a pipe unclogger.”

Joey poked his head into the bathroom. “Babe, you almost ready?”

“Just gotta put my face on,” Cody replied. She turned to Doug. “Good luck.” She slapped Doug’s butt again and this time Doug captured her hand.

“All right, that has to stop,” Doug announced. “I’m just a little uncomfortable with my girlfriend’s roommate slapping my butt.”

“Sorry,” Cody said. “I do it to everyone.”

Joey frowned. “All right, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that.”

Cody rolled her eyes. “Fine!” She looked from one man to the other. “I will make a conscious effort to cut down on my butt touching, all right?”

“We appreciate it,” Joey answered. He kissed her quickly. “Hurry up.”

“Cody!” Melissa yelled from the bedroom. “Why is the curling iron plugged in?”

Cody put a hand to her still damp hair and slapped her forehead. “I knew I forgot something.” She rushed out.

Doug knelt in front of the tub and pulled out a pair of pliers. He used them to refashion the hanger into a sort of tongs with hooks on the end. Then he pulled back the shower curtain and leaned in.

At that moment, Mr. Sniffles pounced on his unsuspecting yellow prey from beneath. The bath toy gave a desperate squeak as Mr. Sniffles sank his teeth in and dragged it down into the soapy depths.

Doug blinked in surprise and stared at the drenched cat. “You are a strange cat,” he remarked.

Mr. Sniffles yowled in reply and leapt out of the bathtub, flinging water in every direction as he streaked out of the room.

Doug shook his head and turned his attention back to the drain.

Melissa poked her head in. “Is it fixed yet? I’ve done about all I can do before I take my shower.”

Doug held up his specially crafted tongs. “Almost.”

Joey and Cody joined the group in the already crowded bathroom. Cody grabbed a toothbrush and handed one to Joey. “Melissa, I’m taking your eyeliner with me.” She began to brush hurriedly and said around a mouthful of toothpaste, “I’ll just do my makeup in the car.”

“Ah-hah!” Doug exclaimed, yanking a giant hairball out of the pipe. There was a long, gurgling moan from the drain as the water began to rush down it.

“Yes!” Melissa exclaimed, kissing him.

“You’re welcome,” Doug said, standing. He examined the hairball. “You guys have got to keep Mr. Sniffles out of the bathtub.”

“What?” Melissa said.

“Yeah,” Doug said. “I just saw him in there a few minutes ago.”

“Well, where is he now?” Melissa demanded.

“I don’t know,” Doug replied. “He took off down the hall.”

“Tracking water all over my house?!” Melissa exclaimed.

Cody spit out her toothpaste. “I’ll get him.” She darted from the room.

“I’ll come help,” Joey gurgled, then spit out his toothpaste and followed.

Melissa growled and rinsed out the sink. “Does anyone care that this place is a pig sty!?”

“Calm down,” Doug soothed, putting his arms around her. “At least the shower’s fixed.”

Melissa gave him a quick kiss and smiled. “You’re right. Now, get out so I can take a shower.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Doug said, gathering his tools and heading for the door.

“Is this one of my hangers?” Melissa demanded as she spotted Doug’s unclogging tool near the sink.

“Borrowed it from Cody,” Doug assured her.

“Can I throw it out?” Melissa asked, nose wrinkling in disgust.

“Might wanna keep it around,” Doug warned. “Just in case.”

Melissa nodded. “Good point.” She threw it in the cupboard and turned her attention to the shower.

Doug left, shutting the door and leaving Melissa to her long awaited shower.

Cody rapped loudly a few minutes later. Melissa groaned, wiping shampoo out of her eyes. “What?” she called out.

“I caught Mr. Sniffles.”

“Okay. Thank you,” Melissa replied.

“Can I come in and dry him off?” Cody asked.

“Go ahead. I it’s unlocked.”

Cody hurried in, clutching a soaked and struggling Mr. Sniffles to her chest. She grunted as she tried to hold him still in the sink with one hand and towel him off with the other.

“Don’t use one of my good towels,” Melissa added.

Cody looked around and spotted the blow dryer on a shelf of the cupboard. “Not a problem,” she replied, leaving Mr. Sniffles to try and escape from a locked bathroom and reaching for the blow dryer.

She plugged it in and looked around for the cat. “Here, Mr. Sniffles.”

She found him crouched between the garbage and the toilet. He yowled pitifully as Cody pulled him out. Holding him in one arm, she grabbed the blow dryer and turned it on.

Mr. Sniffles bit her and jumped free, bounding out the open window. “Mr. Sniffles!” Cody screamed.

“What are you doing out here?” Melissa demanded, sticking her head out. “Did you try and blow dry the cat?”

Cody was near tears. “Mr. Sniffles went out the window. He’s on the ledge.”

“What!?” Melissa jumped out of the shower, pulling on her robe and peering out their fourth story window. There was Mr. Sniffles, wet and angry, crouched a few feet away on the narrow ledge.

Cody tried to push Melissa out of the way. “I’m going out there.”

“No,” Melissa said. “He’ll just run away from you.” She sighed. “I’ll go.” She pulled her robe belt tight and crawled out onto the ledge.

“Be careful!” Cody exclaimed.

Melissa tried to look back at her roommate, but she lost her balance and one of her legs slipped over the edge. Cody screamed. Melissa flattened herself against the ledge. “Be quiet,” she hissed at Cody. “You’ll scare one of us off this ledge.”

Doug pounded on the door. “What’s all the screaming about in there?”

“Yeah,” Joey added. “Do you need one of us manly men to come in there and kill a spider, or something?”

Cody opened the door for them. “Mr. Sniffles is out on the ledge. Melissa went after him.”

“What?” Doug pushed his way toward the window.

Melissa was slowly inching her way toward the cat.

“Melissa,” he called. “Are you okay?”

“I’m on a fourth story ledge in my bathrobe,” Melissa shot back. “The only way this could get any worse is if there was someone down on the sidewalk with a camcorder.”

Suddenly, Mr. Sniffles rose and turned away from Melissa.

“Come back,” she exclaimed.

He crouched facing a group of pigeons farther out.

“No pigeons!” Melissa exclaimed. “Mr. Sniffles, no pigeons!”

Inspiration struck and Doug ducked back into the bathroom. He grabbed the yellow ducky from the edge of the bathtub and crawled out of the window as far as he could go. “Here,” he said, holding it out to Melissa.

“I can’t really turn around,” she replied, still laying flat against the ledge.

“Here, I’ll….” Doug climbed out a little farther and reached for Melissa. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said, resting a hand on her butt as the other one searched for her robe pocket. He found it and slipped the little duck in. “There.”

Melissa took the duck out of her pocket and set it on the ledge between herself and Mr. Sniffles. “Mr. Sniffles,” she sang. “Look what I have.”

Mr. Sniffles ignored her.

“It squeaks,” Doug reminded her.

Melissa squeezed the duck and it squealed loudly. Suddenly, all of Mr. Sniffles’ attention was on the duck.

Easing back onto her knees, Melissa slowly crawled back toward the ledge, taking the duck with her.

When she was close enough, Doug reached out and put two steadying hands around her waist.  Melissa kept inching steadily backwards, with Mr. Sniffles still utterly focused on the ducky.

Suddenly, Mr. Sniffles pounced on his prey. Melissa let the duck go and grabbed the cat. At the same time, Doug pulled her back in through the window.

The duck plummeted from the ledge as Melissa, Mr. Sniffles, and Doug all fell back into the bathroom and landed in a pile on the floor. Joey slammed the window shut as Cody grabbed her precious cat and hugged him. “Mr. Sniffles!” she cried. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

“You guys need some screens on your windows,” Joey remarked.

Doug and Melissa still lay gasping on the floor.

“Okay,” Melissa said finally. “Gimme the phone. I’m calling in sick.”